Okay.  Are the kids asleep, exhausted from a hard day’s night of trolling the neighborhood for a supply with which to satiate the craving of their next candy fix?  Has the sugar high now been replaced by the inevitable low?  Are they now dreaming of how soon can they get past this Thanksgiving deal and move on ahead to the good holiday, i.e. Christmas?  Good.

Now, and only now, can the shocking truth about Halloween be revealed.

It’s all an excuse for adults to buy “kids” candy for themselves.

Oh, we think we’re fooling everyone.  That extra bag of Pixy Stix?  Just in case more trick-or-treaters come than expected.  The giant bag of Smarties?  Ditto.  You have to be prepared, right?  Better grab an extra bag or two of Snickers.  Maybe some Milk Duds too.  Never know what will happen.  And no matter what, absolutely do not run out of Tootsie Rolls!

But it’s long since past the time when small fry are out plying their beggarly trade.  The porch light is switched off, the candles inside the pumpkins snuffed out.  Another Halloween come and gone.

But… but… what’s this?  Candy left over?  Lots of candy left over?  Oh my.  Well, can’t take it back.  Guess we’ll just have to eat it ourselves…

… as we pull out five bags worth of different types that were never even opened and dig in.

‘Fess up, fellow adults.  We dream of this time of year.  We furtively wander through the candy aisles for Halloween the moment they’re up at our local store, taking careful note of which sugary delights we normally avoid buying for fear of getting at best a quizzical but far more often disapproving look (“Don’t you know that’s for kids?”) are now available with the perfect excuse for purchase: it’s for the trick-or-treaters, of course!  But of course.

Then at the first possible moment we swoop in, scoring bag after bag knowing full well none of which will see the light of day on October thirty-first.  More specifically, the light of night as we open the door to the little urchins mooching goodies.

Oh, we give them candy.  Is it our fault it’s from the one bag of stuff we wouldn’t eat if our lives depended on it.  It was the first one we grabbed.  Honest!  No really it’s true I swear.

All those other bags?  They just happen to be hidden well out of sight until everyone is out of sight.  Completely forgot we had them.  Oh well, our bad.  Can’t let them go to waste.

And so they’re ours.  All ours…

… just as long as your own kids don’t find them.