Being a resident of California means every election has state propositions on the ballot.  Granted, said propositions are seldom as fun as the ones in San Francisco, where one of said propositions on tomorrow’s ballot would in essence legalize prostitution thus bringing a whole new meaning to the term proposition.  But I digress.

Anyway, so those of you who don’t reside here won’t feel left out of all the fun here’s a rundown of what I’ll be facing in the voting booth tomorrow:

  1. Actually 1A, and no I don’t know why.  This one asks for permission to sell a bunch of bonds (good luck with that these days) in order to finance a high-speed rail connection between the San Francisco Bay area and assorted locations in southern California.  Eh, why not.  Anything to make it easier for residents of San Francisco and Los Angeles to secretly sneak into enemy territory.
  2. Quoting from the ballot: “Requires that certain farm animals be allowed, for the majority of every day, to fully extend their limbs or wings, lie down, stand up and turn around.”  This has the support of many animal rights activists who wish to ensure that Flossie the cow and Clucky the chicken have the ability to do calisthenics prior to being trucked off to the slaughterhouse.
  3. Another bond measure (“Bond.  State Bond”), this one to raise money for children’s hospitals.  Certainly a worthy cause, but for $980 million dollars those had better be some darn nice hospitals they have in mind.
  4. Prohibits a unemancipated (i.e. not living on their own) minor from getting an abortion until forty-eight hours after the parents or reasonable facsimile thereof have been notified by a physician.  Amazingly enough for such a hot button topic this has received next to no coverage whatsoever.  Those responsible for it being on the ballot are quite grateful to Prop 8 for this.
  5. Allocates (but doesn’t say where the money is going to come from) $460 million annually for drug treatment programs.  Okay.  However, the part about limiting court authority to incarcerate offenders who commit certain drug crimes, break drug treatment rules or violate parole… can anyone show where once over the past few decades saying “you poor baby” to drug users in lieu of punishment by the legal system has curtailed drug use?  Once?
  6. Requires a minimum of $965 million a year be spent on police and law enforcement.  A vigorous “yes” campaign is currently being waged by donut shop owners across the state.
  7. This is where it gets confusing.  Both this proposition and Prop 10 purport to promote alternative energy.  However, this one wants to accomplish it by mandating X percent of all power plants in the state be lean mean clean and green by a certain year — 20% by 2010, 40% by 2020, etc.  Nice idea, but methinks the energy companies in the not-so Golden State will jack up prices by a bunch to cover their costs as they try to meet the law’s demands.  Oddly enough, this has little appeal.
  8. Bans gay marriage.  Already said everything I have to say on this one.
  9. Quoting the ballot: “Requires notification to victim and opportunity for input during phases of criminal justice process, including bail, pleas, sentencing and parole.  Establishes victim safety as consideration for bail or parole.”  About flippin’ time.
  10. The other alternative energy measure.  This one authorizes $5 billion dollars worth of bonds to help consumers and “certain others” purchase “certain vehicles” (uh, let me guess… hybrids?) plus fund research into alternative energy sources.  If only they could devise a way to tap into the rhetoric that has gushed forth both yea and nay about both propositions.  Problem solved.
  11. If passed, this will set up an independent citizens committee to decide on the boundaries for state Senate and Assembly districts rather than those currently in the Senate and Assembly who, believe it or not, have in the past displayed a penchant for drawing said boundaries in a fashion that pretty much locks in their seat for their party.  Yeah, shocker, I know.  One could ask why instead of this and the already on the books term limitation law we don’t simply vote our local yokels out of office if they’re so bad at their jobs, but hey.  It must be all the other yokels that are the problem.
  12. Seeks permission to sell bonds and use the revenue to provide farm and home aid to veterans.  About flippin’ time redux.

And there you have it.  Bet it makes you wish you lived here…

… or if you do, bet it answers why people make jokes at our expense.