Don’t Try This At Home… Oh, Wait, This Is Home

Not everyone who lives here lives "here" here. Honest.

Having spent most of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area, I’ve oft been amused when discussing same with those whose knowledge of the area comes solely from pop culture sound bytes. More than a few pre-conceived notions and myths need to be dispelled. No, we’re not all wacked out tree-hugging hippies. No, we’re not all self- and sex-obsessed liberal sideshow freaks. No, a criminal record is not required for attendance at Raiders games. The list goes on.

The aforementioned urban and suburban legends about what ails this place notwithstanding, there is a deep malaise that over the years has infected where I call home. Its effect is rather universal, this despite the tremendous variety in economic, social and most every other definer imaginable from city to city, area to area.

It is, as Dylan so aptly labeled it, the disease of conceit.

The disease, in a touch of the ironic, affects both sides of the equation. It is most commonly identified in the self-satisfied self-deification of the purely secular mindset. The San Francisco Bay Area is for the most part a I’ll-do-it-my-way kind of place; one where the individual sees their personal wants and desires as sacrosanct. Thus, said individual grows quite irate when the next individual seeing their own personal wants and desires as sacrosanct crosses their path. When two people reach for the same cookie, each believing it to be theirs as they are the only deserving person on the block, you’ve got problems.

The disease is at best distant from, and more commonly openly hostile toward, both Christ and Christians. The statement by Jesus that He alone is the Way, Truth and Life, coupled with His command to His followers that they are to serve others above themselves, is anathema to those who see themselves as the star of the movie. And so, the believer who implements Christ’s commands is either covertly or openly derided for their silly religion. Quite the challenge.

However, the disease also affects those on the other side of things, namely those who genuinely seek to serve Jesus in such an environment. This manifestation comes in the form of the delusion that isolation, in the name of self-preservation, practiced by lone wolves struggling against the omnipresent pressure created by living in a godless vacuum, is necessary for survival.

Let’s break that down a bit.

It’s natural, in the face of an environment which at best is contrary to and is often openly hostile toward the tenets of a Biblically-based Christian walk and Christ Himself, to build defenses against same. It’s necessary, really.

Unfortunately (for the record, I speak as one with an embarrassing amount of experience in the matter), it is far too easy to allow such defenses to mutate into isolation. The believer who struggles with matters of pride can all too easily start taking pride in how through “their” defenses they are able to withstand attacks and/or temptation. There is also the temptation to think along the path of how no one not directly in the same or similar situation could possibly understand it, therefore are of no great use in terms of “minor” details like fellowship and accountability. The moment we start believing that we, not Christ working through the Holy Spirit, are the builders of our protection mechanisms and defender of the realm, is the moment we embrace the lie that we can do this ourselves.

The Christian life is neither co-dependence nor self-reliance. Some burdens we bear alone, some we share with others. None of us are strong enough to go it alone. Not a one.

That said, it is imperative to remember each of us is an individual, created in the image of our Creator and infused with unique characteristics. The only conformity demanded by Scripture is best described by Paul in Romans: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” There is no one-size-fits-all pattern to following Christ. There is, however, only one Jesus. It is following Him that matters. Not the checklist others deem necessary to follow in order to follow Christ. Even as we ourselves know ourselves far less than God knows us, we know others even less. Who, then, are we to declare hard and fast rules for others? But I digress; back to the lone wolf.

Telling a lone wolf they need to join the pack often doesn’t go over very well. It’s putting the answer before the question. The question one should ask a lone wolf — indeed, the question one prone to being a lone wolf (like, oh, me) should ask themselves — is why are they that way. Are there scars from the past that have yet to heal, or so much as be addressed? Is there something in the person’s constitution with a natural predilection toward solitude? Creative people are notorious for this, along with a penchant for self-destruction. Bono said it well: “Every artist is a cannibal / every poet is a thief / all kill their inspiration / and sing about the grief.” Also, as outlined above, does the person live in an environment where feeling like it’s them against the world is easily justified?

Another area warranting examination is to what exactly is the lone wolf being invited. Of course no institution created by man can possibly be perfect. That said, how does it treat the newcomer? When, for example, one is confronted with a scenario that reopens, albeit unintentionally, old wounds, chances are good to excellent the invitee will be making a fast exit, heading home to the comfort of their familiar demons. None of which bear the sting of a modern-day reminder about yesterday’s sorrow.

It’s easy — not right, but easy — to convince yourself you have to go it alone. Not as easy, albeit right, is showing the loner why they ought to end their isolation. The only way to successfully go about it is asking them why they’ve withdrawn, then doing our best to make sure we’re not asking them to relive, or continue to live, the dark motivators that gave, or give , them cause to withdraw. A carrot-or-the-stick approach will accomplish nothing except leaving one holding both with no one to give either in sight. So lose the stick. Keep a ready supply of carrots handy. And maybe, just maybe, the lone wolf will turn into a rabbit willing to join the colony.