It’s been an interesting past few days. I’m emerging from a bit of a faith crisis, one which found me yelling at God a lot and Him kind enough to not yell back. Well, too much.
I’m beginning to believe there’s light at the end of the job search tunnel. I’m doing some freelance social media work, and there are a couple of good possibilities for a full-time gig in the very near future. Hoping, praying and working.
I’ve been extended an open invitation to join a worship band (and on lead guitar — hoping these past couple of years I’ve spent practicing will start paying off) that, by its members own words, is trying to drag its church into the twentieth century. Eventually it’d like to catch up to today, but first things first.
Yesterday I heard from a beloved friend facing one of those painful situations that make you go “whoa.” I offered as much support as I could. The situation has eased a bit, but there’s a long, difficult struggle ahead.
It reminded me of how in my youthful zealot days I knew — I mean I knew — I could solve anyone’s problems. Learned the hard way I had greatly overestimated my abilities, so I retreated too far in the other direction, believing I was of little use to anyone. Eventually, I learned neither extreme is true.
I read a comment today from a man I know and respect, one who was once a giant of the faith but has recently left it behind him. There was a discussion about a C.S. Lewis quote referencing how, should someone profess faith in Christ yet there be no genuine improving change in him or her, perhaps their profession was words only and not authentic. The man proposed a different view, that being such a person proving the fallacy of there being a Christ or God in any form. It saddened me to see him speak this way. As someone who has gone through periods of deep doubt, yet upon looking back at these times realizing that God was faithful throughout and in the end I saw His hand working through it all, and as someone who has experienced the changing power of His love, making me a better person in spite of my assorted foibles and failings, there is no doubt in my frail heart that God is real, He does love us and there is indeed logic and reason in this befuddled, fallen world. Ofttimes it escapes our ability to understand. It’s there nonetheless.
This ties back into offering comfort to a friend. Sometimes, all you can do is be there as best you can. Yet this is far more powerful than we might realize. There is the bond of true love, the kind known by those who know the Creator of love, that flows between us when we share of ourselves, one to another. It’s the love that says you’re not alone in this, that comforts and encourages and helps us get through the bleakest of moments when it seems like all is lost. It’s never lost, even as those of us who know Christ are never lost. We might wander off the path and pay the price. But no, we are never lost.
And we are always friends.
So true. I love your posts.
Keep writing, Jerry.
Thank you!
I hope things work out for you…but from reading this post it seems (while not easy) they are working out for you. And things will only get better.
What a fantastic post; I really relate to what you’re saying here! Some of the best times in my walk with God have been right after I have been yelling and screaming and shaking my fist at God (and crying, and doubting, and despairing)… those times when I’ve realized no, God isn’t going to snap His fingers and make everything perfect, but that doesn’t mean He’s abandoned me or doesn’t exist.
Thank God that, when we blast God with every negative emotion we’re feeling, He steps back and lets us vent… ready to hold us close to Him when we’ve exhausted our emotions! There have been times that I’ve felt like I REALLY needed to apologize to God for things I’d said to Him… yet it felt like He said to me, “don’t sweat it… you need to get that out… I’m glad you feel better now.”
Wow. Why would the God of the universe care so much, or be so understanding?
I can’t complain; I can only be grateful!
Here’s hoping that things really DO begin to improve for you from here. Isn’t it a bit relieving to know God’s grace really doesn’t depend on our actions or attitudes? He loves us even when we are being pretty unlovable… and what an example, as I try to learn to do that in my own life. (Still working on that part; feels like I’m still on lesson one, actually…)
Above all, remember to never mistake a clear view for a short distance. By that, I mean just because you can begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel, try to keep in mind as the days and weeks (possible) get long and longer, that the light IS there, you ARE making progress… it just may still take quite a while to dig out. And, that’s OK… look how far God has already carried you.
I speak from experience on all of this; I’m going through similar things to what you’re describing right now! (Even down to the former faithful friend lashing out at all things spiritual… weird!) If I can make it, you can make it… and if you make it, I feel like I can make it.
Lean on me if you need to bend an ear, or if there’s any way I can help you! You sound like you’re on the right track… I’ll be watching to see what I can learn to benefit my own trek.
Thanks again for this heart-felt post! I saw you mention it on Facebook… believe it or not, I clicked because of the Charlie Brown pic… how silly is that?
God knew what I needed to hear, and how to get me to hear it. 
We all wrestle with our angels and call them devils. It is painful, but it keeps us in shape.